~Spoken Words~

Sometimes it's hard to find the words to say...the things that, written on a page, seem to all make perfect sense...The page with it's unhurried tones, is not subject to defense...Your stare intensely magnifies the beating of my heart...and at such speeds, these spoken words, are more like gibberish than art...I, deep breath and averted eyes, try to tell you how I feel...but I, false start and restart tries, makes no sense...that's how I feel...and you tell me "just say it" cus you don't understand the fear...even if I know you wouldn't hurt me...inadvertent scars may appear...a look, a hesitation, and break in reciprocation...All would serve to kill me slowly, morphine drip...I am your patient...I, being well versed in avoidance, choose to take the safer road...but if you really truly want it, I will speak the words I wrote... I will tell you with such clarity, how I wonder now and then...and how you still take me places that my heart has never been...I will express to you, my love, how I wish time would sometimes bend...and we could go back to beginnings, where I am not the side man...and how small sadness brings me conflict, when you are intertwined with him...and how next time it might be me, and we'd have time enough to spend...I'll be honest, I'm afraid that you may say or do, some thing that cause me pain...and I'd be soaked in sadness, though I am no stranger to the rain...I do avoid it when I can...see my words they speak on paper...like my blood is in the pen...But I will vocalize vulnerabilities...pray I'm unbroken in the end...

~TEDDI B.

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